Brain fizz

Hmmmmmm, not sure what to make of this (like I can make heads or tails of any of it right?)

I was in a doctor's office. It actually seemed more like an apartment then a doctor's office, but it was. And I was consulting my neuro, Dr. G, who'd brought in another "specialist" to give me a diagnosis. He was looking at some sort of images of my head (I have migraines, at least I think they're migraines) that were some sort of x-ray/digital imaging cross (an mri maybe?). So the specialist looks at the pictures (it wasn't the first time he'd seen them either) and he tells me that I've got something wrong. But he can't say exactly what. It looks to him like there's a 40% *something* going on (I don't remember what it was he said here) and also that there's a %65 brain fizz (whatever the hell that is!) and that it'd effect me for the rest of my life but that they thought they could control it, though there would have to be some modifications to my lifestyle. So with this cheery news, they sent me on my way, with Dr G telling me I could call him later if I need to talk more, and he gave me a number on a paper.

I then was driving home in a dark night, through a snow storm, out in the country (and I didn't recgonize the car I was in either). And for some reason I stopped at some sort of "roadside rest stop" type thingy, and it contained a Burger King. I didn't eat anything, didn't even really go to the restaurant, but wandered around inside. Maybe I went to the washroom? Then I was home. (yeah it just skipped a scene...guess I made the rest of the drive okay) Along the way I'd realized that I didn't even know when I was supposed to see Dr G again or what the real effect of this problem I had was. So I called the number he'd given me, at it turned out to be his office. I got his receptionist who said that they were closed, but if I called back in a few minutes, Dr G may be able to speak to me. I even heard him in the background saying somthing like that to her. I was surprised it was his office -- for some reason I'd thought it was his home. So I hung up and checked the number, and yeah, I recognized it as his office number. Then as I was calling him back, I woke up.

There was something else in there too...another dream maybe? Something about drinking oleander. Isn't oleander deadly?

Back to school

Two remembered from last night...

In the first I was in high school. Not my high school, but similar. I've been here before, seen a lot of the same spots before, but I'm really not sure what this school is. Anyway, I was in a hallway of some sort and there was a class election going on, but I couldn't get into the room where the election was to be held. In fact, I knew the room was empty. I ended up going to this classroom set into a hillside with a view of forest all around, and then back down to the hallway, where someone from the election room came out to see why no one was voting. I told them the door had been locked, so they fixed it and then everything was okay.

In the second, I started on a train. It was an old train, and I think the whole thing was set in the 1940's. I was on the train with my "wife" who was in fact, a woman I'd never seen before, well kinda (more on that in a minute). She had dark wavy hair in a 40's style and was wearing floral dress and neat little hat. Her skin was such pale white as to be paper-like. And while I didn't know who she was or her name or anything, I knew she was my wife. And I have seen her before. She was the one in my earlier dream (see the second post of this blog) who told me to lose my tickets and stay with her for the night. So who is this woman? I have a theory...more on that later.

So we took the train and ended up at this house which was owned by this little old couple who were so helpful. They even handed the trash straight to the garbage man to help him out. Then we left and came back the next day. But the old couple weren't there anymore. Now it was a young guy and my wife was trying to sell him shoes she'd made for his girlfriend, who was a total fashion plate dispite the fact that she wasn't there. My wife showed him the shoes, big platform things in a floral print, and while showing them she also was attaching a fabric flower to the top.

Things then suddenly changed and I was in my dad's house, but as it was before my mom died. All the curtains were closed, but I could see the sun through them. The house was bigger than it is, longer, with an extra room at the back. I was there alone and waiting for my mom to come home. And then I woke up with A deciding it was time to get up...

Now, my thought on the dark haired woman. I actually wonder if it's not some sort of past life thing. I wonder if it's not actually me who is that woman. I got this feeling when I first woke up, and when I talked to S about this dream (without telling her about the adultry dreams) the first thing she mentioned was that she thought it sounded like a past life thing too. Might explain why she'd seem so famillar...any thoughts?

Saved? It's a gamble

I found myself in some sort of strange bunkerish type place. It was all cement, and seemed to be underground. There was a group of us making our way somewhere through this long bunkerish tunnel. To the side of the tunnel there were little outcroppings, small areas marked off by cement railings and in them people were setting up tables and chairs. I couldn't figure out what they were doing, until a little further down the hall I saw a group of people in one of these side areas. It was a collection of old folks playing poker. (I really think this is in reference to the older gentleman who was going to commit suicide last night in a bid to draw attention to the plight of assisted suicide -- very disturbing, this latter day "Meet John Doe", made all the more so by the fact that it's real...he said at his news conference he liked to play poker).

We continued down the hall and ended up in a room together. But this room was above ground and seemed almost like a schoolhouse or something of that nature. There was a collection of us there, and I saw E and her son C. She looked exactly like she did at A's birthday party, but C was about 12 or 13 years old (and his hair was now sandy brown). But he played with A (who was still as he is now) like they were best of friends and the same age (which they are). There was a "preacher" type at this meeting and he told us something (who knows what it was) and then we all left. As we were leaving en masse, the preacher was slapping some people on the back and saying "You're saved, you're chosen", in the "saved for all eternity" sort of chosen...there was something about all of us at this meeting that meant we were all chosen. (whatever that means) And then we left and went out into the sunshine and that was that.

Now before this, earlier in the night, there'd been a bunch of strange stuff...almost like disconnected images that I'd been seeing, no story, no path, just images and impressions. The strongest of which was that of a stone tube or pipe. And it's not the first time this has come up. I don't know what it means, or why, but I keep seeing this stone pipe..always seems like it's upright, that is standing up like a letter "I" when I see it, and it's made of brown stone, nothing special, just plain old stone. I can't even get a sense of scale out of it, since there's no context around it. Anyone have any ideas what a stone pipe means?

A night and a nap

Three this time. One from overnight, two from a long long nap this afternoon!

The one last night was kinda odd. Well, okay, they're dreams, when aren't they odd. Maybe the time I dreamed I was working in an office in a warehouse, and just doing office things, but the "normality" of that dream was in itself odd really, don't you think?

Anyway, last night, I was climbing a tree. It was a tropical tree, in a tropical place. I seem to remember a white sand beach off that way somewhere. The tree was green, and the place around me was green, very bright tropical green, and I was shinning up this branchless palm tree. I knew there were others who'd gone before me and others coming after, but then I reached some kind of landing. It was there that I discovered that those before me were already back on the ground, and those after me had quit. I was on my own, but I had to keep going. I switched from the tree though, to a narrow, ladder-like set of stairs. I went up a level, turned and went up another level, and as I did, they became true wooden stairs. And I knew I'd make the top in no time. Then I woke up.

As an editorial comment, this dream immediately on waking reminded me of another that I'd had months back. In that one I was climbing a ladder-thingy just like the wooden one in this dream. Only in that one it was metal and inside a building. It led me to an apartment where I got stalled. Is this a continuation? Did I find my way out of that apartment?

Then in the afternoon I had a nice nap and was plagued there too!

It was so strange, becuase for the first dream, I was both in it and watching it at the same time. I was a Napeoleonic British naval officer, and I was riding on a horse with an army officer (I was in front, he was behind) and we were going to have a duel. It was going to be right there on the horse too! Hard to do when you're not facing each other. So then he flung me from his horse and I stood up and was so angry, but couldn't kill him, so I shot my pistol over his horse. And then he drew his sword on me, so I went to draw mine but it got tangled up in a sash of some sort. And then I woke up.

I settled back in to sleep, and there was another dream...but it's gone now. Any hint of what it even could have been...gone. I knew it, I did, even for hours after...but it's taken too long to get to it I guess, or else it wasn't very important or something. Because now, trying to write this I'm totally blanked. *sigh* If it comes to me later, I'll add it I guess.

Evaporating shadows

It was another full night last night...do you ever have those times when you wake up out of full dream mode, look at the clock, see that it's 2:30, then go to sleep again and drop straight back into the dreams? That was last night for me. All night long. But I don't remember a single thing about them today. I woke up this morning and the minute I opened my eyes, every image, every event, every thing fled like so many shadows retreating before the sun. I could almost hear them scampering out of my mind. Which, to my way of thinking, means it was nothing signficant or momentous, nothing to be remembered and acted upon. Just something to keep me amused durning my hours of slumber. Still screws up my rest though....

Is that really the PM?

Mostly fragments again last night...in one, I was in the basement (which I'm just beginning to renovate) and I was staring at the wall. It was strange because the whole basement was both unfinished (as it is now) and finished (as it's planned to be) -- almost like the two versions of it were overlapping in reality. So there I was, looking at this wall, and then E was beside me, and she put her arms around me and leaned her head on my shoulder. We were both relaxed and happy. And then that dream ended.

Okay, now I realize, looking at what I've written since starting this blog that it must seem like I dream about E pretty much nightly. It hasn't been like that, just in the last little while has she started making real regular appearances. I'm not sure what to make of it. Just lucky I guess?

The other one I remember is kinda strange, and sorta is two run together. In one, my dad was taking a course for work (he's retired btw), but in the dream he was in a tie and everything like he did when he worked. So he was home from this course and bitching about how they were making him make powerpoint presentations of useless stuff (I know where this is from...that's me bitching, not dad). But then that somehow changed to me in a car with a bunch of other people, one of whom was Paul Martin! It was like we were in my car, but it was much more luxurious, and it kept switching as to who was driving. At one point, I was driving, another time I was in the back and some faceless chauffeur was driving, at another it was Paul himself! About the only talk in the dream was about what route to take to the destination (which I didn't seem to know where we were going, but I knew exactly how to get there....hmmm, is there a metaphor there?) When I was in the back seat with Paul at one point, I looked over at him and he was asleep against the door (he was behind the driver, and I was behind the passenger), and sitting between us was a short, pretty young asian lady in a white dress. She reminded me a bit of a girl I used to see all the time on the bus. When the dream ended we were somewhere downtown and headed for the bridge over the river (is this another metaphor?) though it was still a few turns away....

A mundane dream and a neat discussion

Okay, last night first...very mundane this one. S and I were talking to someone about A (it was about 'our children', though A was the only one there, so who else were we talking about?). It was nighttime (I seem to have a lot of night time dreams these days) and for some reason I had a new palm pilot. S was recording the phase of the moon in it (graphically too, it was neat, and it was full too, which it is today strangely enough). We were all in my Dad's living room talking but it wasn't with my dad. I half think it was my manager, but not, iykwim. So then I went in to brush my teeth to get ready for bed (A was still up playing at the time), and my toothbrush was upside down in a plastic tube. I had to take the cap off to get the brush out. Then I woke up.

The neat discussion involves that dream of waking up with E. I talked to her about it, and it turns out that
a) she loves that color and would have her room that color
b) the curtains, which I didn't mention but were there, are the ones she wants (she brought 'em up not me)
c) the top she was wearing (again, not mentioned, but a brown knit tank top) is one of her favorites
d) I was sleeping on the right side of the bed (left)

So what does it mean? Good question...but I find it so strange that everything was "right". Stay tuned....

Old faces...

Last night was strange.... I woke up somewhere around 2:30 or so, my head full of the dreams I'd been having, but no sooner did I open my eyes, then they were gone again. I hoped that might mean I would get a quiet remainder to the night. No such luck however.

After that, and before waking up (prior to my alarm, darnit!) I had a dream wherein I was with a group of people (all male) and we were playing wargames (table top toy soldiers). After the game ended, we were all going to some restaurant for something to eat. Everyone left, but my wife called and held me up. I have no idea what she was talking to me about, but I do know it was redundant.

So then, by the time I got to the restaurant (which was downstairs at some mall behind a closed door and the mall was closed) a friend of mine from public school had already left. Now I have to say that I've not seen this friend since graduation from grade 8 so why he'd come to mind now I have no idea! But there it was, he'd already left so I didn't get to talk to him. And the "restaurant" turned out to be an unfurnished room with a bunch of folding tables and chairs with dirty indoor/outdoor carpeting. Oh and no wait staff if you please.

And that was it...it drifted off to nothingness from there.

Faded and lost...

It was another active night last night...what it was, is now faded from memory, and lost. Even first thing this morning I could feel it slipping away and the exercises I did to remember didn't really help. By this afternoon, it was so many vapours released from a jar never to be collected again. It entertained me for a few hours as I slept and then left. I figure that means it wasn't as important, as necessary for me to know as some of these others. That spanish dream of the other night, for instance...very helpful in something I'm writing, believe it or not.

That's how I judge, really, the importance of what I dream, by how long it stays with me. Even now there are dreams that stil rattle around in my head, making me wonder what it all meant, or where it's all pointing. More of a mental exercise than anything though, I doubt I'll ever know the answer. But the curiosity is fun anyway.

Sewer Stones

First one....
I was out walking in a field somewhere, and there was a road twisting around a forest. It was fall and the trees were partly bare and very colorful in reds, oranges and gold. I knew there were people with, but who and how many I couldnt' tell ya.

I looked at the trees and road and thought of a war movie. I'd no sooner thought "Johnson get up that road and watch for the enemy, I don't want any surprises" then I saw a German truck and staff car rounding the bend. Then I was in the forest watching the convoy pass. After the staff car came an American truck and a half track, then a convertable (that damned convetable again!) At the end of the convoy a car stopped and a pair of MiB got out and came to find me. Somehow they knew I'd seen too much. I scrambled...what could I do? Then I spotted a sewer drain at the bottom of a leave covered embankment. I zipped down to it and was about to wriggle in when I realized that there was a small stone square out in front of it. On this stone were other smaller stones, crystals. There were maybe a dozen, one was milky white and translucent, another looked like my chunk of jet, and in the middle of it all, like a flurescent jelly bean, was this glowing blue stone. I thought they were funny to see there, but basically ignored them and slid myself through the small opening.

Inside wasn't your typical drainage tube. Instead, this was a big, low stone room, almost tomb-like, and it was filled with religious icons and the like from various ancient cultures. And leaning back against the wall was an older lady, in a hippieish, artist sorta outfit. She had grey hair and her eyes were closed. She was crouched like she was hiding too. She looked at me and said "They'll be gone soon."

Then we were in her apartment. It was a lovely old place, all wood and antiques and the like. We were getting ready to go somewhere, to escape. Then the door buzzer rang and she was trying to talk to whoever it was in the lobby. They didn't answer, and she was sure it was her nephew, but I knew it was the MiB--they'd caught up with us and we were too late....

The next was again right before I woke up. In this one, I was walking on a moonlit night through an old town, or an old part of town. It was supposed to be LA. I was dressed in a white suit and panama hat and using a cane. I crossed a bridge over a canal with a tour group, but when they turned right, I turned left into the maze of old buildings. I was looking for a radio station.

I wandered the narrow alleys of old spanish style brick buildings, the walls covered in posters, until finally I found myself in an art show. Several times in this dream, from the posters, to a newspaper notice for the show, to the show itself, I saw an abstract line drawing of a female nude. It was nothing graphic, more like what they used for the Imaginus poster sales at school, but she represented the ideal of feminity, the ultimate of fertility and creative power. And then I realized it was one of those holidays the Americans get that we don't. And one of the strange ones, like Arbour Day or something, and the gallery started to fill with Spanish-American families all there on their day off.

And then my son the alarm clock went off again and that was that, but the image of that line drawing stays with me still.

The Davinci Octopus

Couple of fragments and a full dream today....

The fragments:
In one I was a spy of some sort. We were trying to get into some building that was super secret. And by we I mean me and some other guy (who I don't know who he was or anything). So while we're prowling around being stealthy and spy-like (we were posing as employees) he hit some sort of button and we ended up in an elevator. It was a glassed in elevator, and it started down (or was it up?) and then moved away from the building! As I was wondering just how the hell it was doing that, woosh! We were shot off this ski ramp type thing into the corporate pond. As we sat there in the pond, a woman came and watched us from the top of the ramp. And then we were attacked by octopi, three of them I think. And somehow they got into the elevator and wrapped themselves around our hands and they were harder than hell to get off.

Another fragment was when I was again a spy (maybe it was all one dream, I can't remember), and this time I was with three women and we were trying to get into this woman's dorm type building. We were going to use a matteress to block the door open and come back later, but then we didn't need to because one of the girls with me had this electronic device. It was some hand held thing that when you looked really closely showed this secret symbol which became a web page but it was like looking through a paper to see it. And somehow I thought "wow, just like the Davini Code!" Don't ask.

So then we could leave...and we did. We all got in this car (a late 60's convertable) and drove off, with one of the girls driving. But the road was a river and I kept saying "don't sink us, don't sink us!" And then we shot the rapids until we got to where we were going, but the rapids didn't turn out to be that bad...just a couple or ripples. Looking back on it, it was like I was in the middle of some episode of Totally Spys....

Then the full dream.

It was just before I woke up. It started with me waking up--in E's bed. She was up already and was showing me how she'd put my clothes into the dresser drawers. I saw a stack of sweaters (that were mine I guess) in the drawer next to hers. I was a bit surprised, and asked if her husband would mind, but she said "no, he doesn't care anymore". Then she went over and played the answering machine and it was a message from me (that I swear I recorded in a different dream!) and it was to her and her husband, but they had different names. (I think he was "Rich"?) The message was that I'd be home later or something like that... And that was when I realized. He'd left her. She was curled up beside the answering machine, so I went over and hugged her and tried to kiss her but she wouldn't let me. She was happy I was there, but not happy too.... And then A let out a wail for his mom and woke me up.

So what does *this* mean?

Okay, we'll start the ol' dream diary off with this latest series of dreams that I find just bizzare.

The first one was on sunday night. In that one I was with a woman, some dark-haired stranger, at an airport. It was a dirty, dingy sort of place...now that I reflect back on it, it looked more like the underbelly of some TTC subway station...maybe Eglinton? It was greyish like that anyway. Anyway, we were there, and I knew she was married, and she knew I was, and she asked me to lose my ticket. "Fly home tomorrow" she told me, "stay with me tonight." She told me that "Ralph wouldn't mind." We kissed, and that was as far as that went.

Then monday night I had another one. In that one I was in Los Angeles, visiting my sister-in-law. I've never been there, never seen her house but I'm sure that it's not like what I dreamed. In the dream it was a hollywood mansion, with trees and rocks and a grotto pool in the front entryway. I pulled into the driveway. It was night. And I went into the house with my arms around a pair of women, who would be staying the night. I didn't even see their faces, so it really wasn't about them. They disappeared then anyway, and I was in a ward style bedroom with several single beds and my sister-in-law and her husband were there, their kids playing somewhere in the background.

Then again, last night. This one was the vaguest of them all, but it was also the only one to feature nudity. In this one I saw a couple, almost on stage. The woman was in a dress, and she dropped the top of it. I moved on to another "stage" and on that one there was another couple, and they were both naked. In both cases I knew I was "invited" to join them. In fact, the fellow on the second stage even said "C'mon in...." And that was where that one ended.

So why am I having these dreams about being invited to indulge in carnal cavorting? What does it all mean? It's not like I'm feeling particularly anxious along those lines. The dream dictionaries all say that adultry means you've got sexual issues...that you're betraying yourself or something along those lines. But I don't feel that way at all. And what does it mean that I'm being invited, that it's alright for everyone invovled. Heck even I get the "it's okay" vibe in the dream. And what does it say that the story never progresses beyond the invitation?

Well, we'll see if the trend continues, I guess.

What's going on here then?

So what's the deal. Why the blog?

Okay, it's a record of my dreams. An online dream diary. This was suggested to me by the bestest, most wonderful E, and I think it's a brilliant idea. I'm going to record, and track and try to find some sort of trends or something to this whack of dreams I've been plagued with lately. It's been, I swear, since the start of December at least, maybe even longer (November?) that I've been remembering dreams almost every night. Why? This is new, I've never experienced this before.

So now on with the dreams....