Monday, November 20, 2006

Abandoned

This one really disturbed me. And after reading it, I'll bet you'll know why too.

I was at a funeral, well more accurately a burial service, in a graveyard. I don't know who was being buried, but it was someone I knew and I think they were old, but I can't be sure about that.

After the service, as we were all leaving, I found out that I needed to leave my baby behind. I had to put him on the grave and leave him there. It was tradition apparently, though who's tradition or why I don't know. I protested, of course, and was horribly upset, but I still did it 'cause I knew I had to. No options, had to.

I set him there, in his car seat. And I looked at him, and he seemed to be an amalgam of both my boys, the new and the old. His eyes were wide open and staring at me. Black as coal and full of knowledge and understanding.

It tore me apart, but I left him anyway. Because it was the way it had to be.

Disturbs me greatly even now.

And this was after, on the same night, a dream about closing a door, and making sure it was locked and not to open again. I don't think either is a coincidence....

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